The title says “some” but let’s be real — most men are (or seem to be) emotionally unavailable. The fact is there and the reasons are numerous. While this article here won’t provide you with the 10 tips to fix your man, I will say that clear communication is the key if you’re even going to bother with trying. So, here are 8 reasons your man (or a man) might be emotionally unavailable.
1. They Have The Emotional Range of a Teaspoon
Although the concept of emotional intelligence is widely criticized in the scientific community, it’s difficult to deny that it is at least partially true. Emotional intelligence is a person’s capability to recognize their own emotions and those of others, liable feelings appropriately, and use this information to guide their behavior. Many men never invest the time into analyzing their emotions, and therefore can’t process them properly. At best, they will seam closed off and emotionally unavailable. At worst, they’ll have anger tantrums and behave like petulant children.
2. Toxic Masculinity
We can only wish for men to take Terry Crews as an example of what it means to be a confident man. Instead, boys are raised to believe that showing any sign of having a complex range of emotions as a sign of weakness. They have the entire range of positive emotions, but when it comes to negative emotions they have anger or complete despair. There is no in-between. And whereas emotional intelligence is a person’s capacity to understand their emotions, the problem of toxic masculinity makes it difficult for them to express them, even if they understand them.
3. Childhood Trauma
TB perfectly H, men aren’t the only people who can have problems with emotional unavailability. This problem is not limited to dudes. Childhood trauma can cause children to grow up with trust issues, making it more difficult for them to open up to other people later in life.
4. No Good Examples
On the other hand, some men could just be mirroring the behavior of their parents (particularly their fathers) when in a relationship. If they grew up in a family that didn’t have good communication patterns and an environment that’s conducive to sharing emotions with each other, this can carry through in the rest of their adult life and in your relationship.
5. He’s Really Into You
So, because of a lack of emotional intelligence and their absolute ineptitude in expressing emotions, it’s entirely possible that your man is just overwhelmed by what they are feeling towards you, and instead of opening up about it they’re limiting themselves to tiny drips of attention and love at a time. There’s an entire gallon of feeling in there but you’re only shown one drop at a time because being cute and lovey-dovey isn’t ”cool”.
6. He’s Not That Into You
On the flip side, emotional unavailability could be a sign that they’re just not that into you. If you’ve been together for a long time that’s one thing – relationship have their ups and downs. But if you’ve been together for the equivalent of a honeymoon period of a few months and then you notice that they’re emotionally unavailable then maybe it’s best to talk about it right away. It could just be a commitment issue.
7. He’s Preoccupied With Something
Women are known to be great multitaskers. Men? Not so much. It’s entirely possible that what you think is emotional unavailability could just be a sign that your boyfriend is hyper-focused on some other area of their life and have completely forgotten that you can’t completely ignore one aspect of your life while you’re trying to figure out another.
8. You’ve Betrayed His Trust
It’s highly unlikely that you and you alone are at fault for a man’s emotional unavailability. In fact, the probability that you’ve “pushed them away” is close to zero. However, it is possible that some nonchalant comment about something they said or something they do has made them feel uncomfortable in the past, resulted in them feeling like they can’t share certain things with you, and snowballed into full-blown emotional unavailability. Once again, with this too, an open conversation can probably get you well on your way to being more open and available with/to each other.
9. They’re Shy
Especially during the initial stages of a new relationship, it’s entirely possible that emotional unavailability isn’t the problem – it’s just shyness. Consider the fact that maybe they open up slower to new people, don’t develop attachments as fast as you do, and are generally just shy. Give it time (if you have the patience), and maybe this will just sort itself out.
