Dealing with a possessive or jealous boyfriend is never easy. Being in love with someone who has a tendency to go green with envy is a common problem. It can impact otherwise great relationships and cause roadblocks that are impossible to ignore. Worst of all, it can seem to pop out of nowhere, taking you from perfectly happy to doing damage control. Here, we’re going to break down the different ways to deal with a jealous partner in a relationship.
1. Don’t deny it
Pushing off an issue and avoiding that it’s the reality is easier than actually confronting a problem. Relationships are tough, and so is communicating in them, but it’s the only way to experience growth. First things first, you’ll need to accept your partner’s insecurity and come up with proactive ways to deal with it rather than unproductive arguments. At the same time, he can’t deny this fact about himself. Finding a way for both of you to accept it is essential if you ever want to move on from it.
It’s easy to talk to each other, but listening to and understanding someone else’s perspective is the most important part of this conversation. Doing so will help you understand the root of his jealousy without him feeling as though you’re being judgemental about it. If you understand why he turns green with envy, you may be able to handle it better in the future.
A completely valid option is to not stay in the relationship if you don’t feel valued. Unless you’ve given your partner a reason to doubt your relationship, there’s nothing you can do if they’re having irrational thoughts. Ultimately, that’s their own baggage, and you deserve to be with someone that can fully trust you if you’ve deemed yourself as trustworthy. You can also set an ultimatum.
4. Remain honest and open
If there’s something you’re hiding from him or lying about, even the tiniest white lies can help confirm his insecurity and allow him to spiral even more. Hiding things (in any relationship) will cause tension, so skip the surprises and blow up fights by being 100% open and honest in your relationships. That includes how you feel, even if the truth is hard to handle. This also means involving him in more aspects of your life, which can help reduce paranoia.
Yelling and fighting won’t get you anywhere in this case. Jealousy often occurs because the jealous person feels triggered and is thinking about a past situation and emotion rather than the present. Fighting will only make him scared that you’re going to leave him, but being assertive rather than aggressive can help turn his attitude around.
6. Set boundaries
Ground rules, aka boundaries, are important in every relationship. Early on, the two of you can establish this set of ground rules to avoid pressing each other’s buttons. It’s also a fundamental way to establish respect between the two of you and is a sign that you truly care about each other. If you can respect his boundaries with jealousy, it should be a two-way street regarding any behavior of his that you find problematic.
7. Compliment him and show him his value
Since a jealous man is quite often an insecure one, showing him what you love about him can be the cure to the problem. Hearing compliments and the good things that you see in him will help him see that in himself. With a new sense of confidence, you may find that he is less threatened and will become less jealous over time.
8. Remind him that you’re not his ex
Often, the act of jealousy happens when someone is triggered by a past event. If he’s scared of you cheating on him or lying, then it could be because she cheated on him in the past and is reliving that relationship. You can always reassure him that the present is not the past, and you’re a different person than his ex-girlfriend.
9. Don’t play games
Although you might think that you’re not at all to blame for this issue (and you might not be) try to consider questions like: Do you flirt with other men? Have you ever tried to make him jealous by complimenting other guys or checking them out when your man is present? Do you talk about your ex all the time?
10. A final resort: try reverse psychology
If you’ve tried all of the above and want him to see your perspective but you simply can’t, consider flipping the script on him. React the same way that he does when his jealousy comes up. Roleplay as him, essentially. If he appears bothered, explain to him that you feel the same way when he behaves similarly. Perhaps that will help him step out of his own POV and see his irrational behavior.