Wordsare a powerful instrument that can either lift you up or bring youdown in a matter of seconds. Naturally, we are open to our partnersand everything they have to say. Likewise, our loved ones are mostsensitive to our remarks, comments, criticism, and other modes ofcommunication that are less pleasant. Being in a relationship, youreally need to filter what you say and how you say it as the damagecaused by a few simple phrases can often be irreversible, causingproblems for years to come. Here are 8 things you should never say ina relationship, unless you want to break up.
‘Youdon’t know anything’
This phrase mighthave been harmless for Jon Snow, but for us non-fictional beingsthose words sting like a bee. Even if you’re arguing, this phrasedoesn’t do anything good – it just diminishes your partner’sintelligence and cripples his self-worth. If you feel that yourpartner doesn’t quite understand the issue, it’s best to saysomething like ‘From where I stand…’ – make it about you andyour feelings, not your partner’s wrongdoings!
‘Everyoneknows that’s not how you do it’
The so-called‘global criticism’ is the worst thing ever as it hits yourpartner fully as a whole person and on different levels. A phraselike ‘No, that’s no how you do it. Everyone knows it should bedone like this…’ is a blow below the waist, really. Try not tocompare your loved one to other people or the whole world in generalthat supposedly knows best – it doesn’t. And your significantother may end up hurt for a long time.
‘Don’ttake it personally, but…’
Well that’s theexact way to make sure your loved one will take thingspersonally. If you want to be truthful, make sure you phrase whateveryou want to say as gently as possible. There’s a thin line betweenbeing intimately sincere with your loved one and openly criticisingwhatever you don’t like about him or her. Think whether what you’reabout to say will do both of you any good or is it something that youshould simply accept as part of your partner’s personality.
‘You seemto have gained a few pounds’
Beforecriticising your partner’s change in appearance, be it extraweight, bad skin condition or smelly breath, think carefully whatcould be the reason behind those things. Usually it’s not simplybecause your partner ‘let himself go’, the issues run deeper andyou have to explore the roots of the problem. Stress, too much work,low immunity, lack of sleep, and even supressed feelings – allthese could make your partner feel and look worse. So instead ofcommenting on the outcome, try to address the issue and get to thebottom of what’s bothering your loved one.
‘I hateyou’
Different thingscan be said in the heat of the moment, but the H word should never beuttered out loud. As easy as it is to blurt it out, the impact causedby this phrase will last for months or even years, resurfacing eachtime your partner feels hurt or the two of you get into an argument.Don’t ever make your SO feel that he/she is not loved, even whenyou’re in a serious fight. You’ll regret it, but it’ll be toolate to take the words back.
‘I don’thave time for this’
You might be asuper busy person building a career and chatting on the phone 24/7,but that doesn’t mean that your relationship should suffer becauseof it. Brushing your partner off with this phrase will definitelyhurt his feeling and he will not feel like sharing anything with youfor a long time. If there’s a pending issue he wants to discuss,ignoring his needs like that will only lead to a bigger crisis. So ifyou really don’t have time to discuss things now, be sincere aboutit and offer a day or an evening when you’ll sit down and talkabout everything that’s happening. This way your partner will nowthat you actually care.
‘Nowthat’s just silly/stupid’
You should bereally careful with comments when your partner opens up aboutsomething. If he or she thinks it’s important to share this withyou, a phrase like ‘It’s stupid’ will hurt you loved onein ways you can’t even imagine. Trust is one of the building blocksof a happy and healthy relationship – you need to be sure that youwon’t be laughed at when you pour your heart out to your partner,and he should feel the same way! Otherwise things won’t workbetween you two.
‘No, I’m not sorry’
Being in an argument is tough as it is, but it’s even more difficult to say you’re sorry. And yet, sometimes it’s the only way to mend things! It’s useless to hold on to your pride when you need to think about the needs and feelings of the other person. Admit that mistakes have been made or you were wrong or rude…there’s always something you can apologize for! A simple ‘I’m sorry’ can do wonders for all types of relationships.
